In 2007, Bernadette and I went to a grief retreat at the Dwelling Place. One of the assignments was to write something. I forget the exact assignment, but what follows is what I wrote.
“We should all live like Kevin. He was a typical five-year old in many respects, but he was also special in so many ways. Most of the time, Kevin was happy. He was happy doing almost anything. I think life was an adventure to him.
He was not old enough to have the doubts and anxieties of older people. He just lived and wondered, and learned. He would ask questions that most adults avoid, and accept the answers about God and Heaven with total faith.
As I grow older, I tend to question more which can be a good thing, but it also produces confusion and anxiety. To have faith like a child is bliss. How do I have faith like a child, but still question and search for answers to deepen my faith?
To live like Kevin, we should look forward to each day with excitement. What can I do to have fun today? We should love everybody. We should ask questions to help us understand our world. We should believe that God loves us and wants the best for us.”
So how do I live like Kevin? How do I model my adult life after a five year old? Obviously, I have responsibilities and duties that a five year old doesn’t have, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t live like a five year old in the matters that are most important.
What are the most important parts of life?
- A relationship with God
- Family relationships
- Friends
- Lifelong learning
- Meaningful work
When I look at this list, I don’t see money or things listed. I spend way too much time thinking about money and how to keep the stuff I have, but they are not on the list. In reality, I spend very little time thinking about any of the things on this list.
If these five things really are the most important parts of life, why do I spend so little time thinking about them? Let’s look a little closer at each item.
Love everyone, enjoy everything, learn something every day, and make people glad they met you.
A relationship with God
What does that mean? I can’t see God. I can’t feel God. How do I know that he is there? How can I have a relationship with someone that I can’t see, hear, or touch? When we told Kevin about God, he never asked any of those questions. He just accepted that God was there and loved him. Do children hear God? Can they see or feel God? Why do they believe so readily?
I think that we are born knowing that God is there. We feel Him through our parents love and nurturing. As we grow older though, our lives get filled up with other stuff and we forget. Our world today is so full of noise: cell phones, computers, video games, television, radio. We can’t stop long enough to listen. We teach our children to revel in the noise and then when they don’t hear us we complain. Maybe that’s how God feels about us as adults. We are too busy to stop and listen.
Maybe the beginning of the relationship with God is to stop and listen. Maybe then we will hear direction and guidance for our lives. Isn’t listening the most basic skill required for any relationship? If we stop and listen, maybe God will share some of His wisdom. How do I listen to God? Can I hear him with my ears?
When we stop to listen, I don’t think that God is going to talk in audible tones. I think His words will permeate through our brain and just make sense. Though we aren’t hearing with our ears, we just may “hear” more clearly than at any time in our life.
Once we learn to listen to God, then I think He will instruct us on how to build the relationship with Him.
Family Relationships
I know that some are thinking, “Are you nuts? My family is crazy. I can’t have a relationship with them.” I know. I have seen what a disaster some family relationships are, but I have also seen how wonderful they can be. The old saying, “You can’t choose your family…” may be true, but you can have a relationship with someone in your family. It is unlikely that your entire family tree is a disaster.
Let’s start first with learning to listen. Does this sound familiar? It should. The most basic relationship skill is listening. When we listen to someone else, we are telling them that they are important and we want to hear what they have to say. As we listen, we will learn more about each other. As we learn more about each other, we will be able to provide love and support.
Friends
When you hear people talk about friends nowadays, they are often bragging about how many friends they have on Facebook. That’s not what I am talking about here. If you are planning on building a deck on the back of your house, how many “friends” would show up?
Friends are the family that you can choose. Our friends offer relationships that transcend family, politics, and religion. These are relationships that allow us to share our lives with someone of our choosing simply because we like them. No matter how much you love your family, there are always times when you just need a friend.
Lifelong learning
One of the things I like most about watching small children is how much and how quickly they learn. Imagine if you were dropped onto an alien planet that looked nothing like ours: the laws of physics are different, the sky is a different color, the wind doesn’t blow horizontally, but vertically. How would you react? Would you observe like a small child and experiment until you figured it out, or would you simply give up. Children are the master learners. If adults learned at a fraction of the pace of small children, imagine what we could learn.
I know adults learn new stuff all the time, but it is usually just enough to get by. We don’t learn just for the sake of learning. Imagine how much better the world would be if we would continue learning important things at the pace and with the determination of a child learning to walk.
Meaningful work
This may or may not be your career. If all is right with the world, your career offers meaningful work. Many times though, the jobs that we go to everyday are just a means to a paycheck. Why do so many people volunteer in the community? This is one way to meaningful work if their “job” doesn’t offer it. I have a friend that says “all work is good work.” He may be right. I think what he means is that with the right attitude you can find meaning in just about anything you do.
This is an attitude that emulates how Kevin looked at life; enjoy everything you do.
There are many other important things in the world, but I believe they all are part of the five listed here.
Tommy McTaggart, 1.26.2016
Tommy McTaggart 